I'm okay, you're okay - to a point.

In the penultimate post of a fascinating back-and-forth between Ross Douthat and Ta-Nehisi Coates on marriage and the traditional family, Ta-Nehisi summons a strikingly succinct and compelling defense of a liberal attitude towards nontraditional families:

"Social conservatives are interested in encouraging one model, and stigmatizing all others. I'm interested in encouraging practices and stigmatizing others. I'm interested in encouraging active involvement in your child's school, and stigmatizing ignoring the teacher's phone calls. I'm interested in encouraging fathers to put in as much manpower as they can summon, and stigmatizing those who walk out. "

This is truly a brilliant framing, and I find it very useful. Despite my progressive and feminist politics, I do have enough of a conservative streak to get uncomfortable that acceptance of nontraditional families might be misconstrued as support for irresponsible choices. As a great example, this op-ed by an Alexandria teacher about teen pregnancy, published in the Post in December, is the kind of thing that should haunt anyone interested in gender and family policy. I think the "stigmatize the behavior, not the model" might be the rallying cry for progressivism without relativism, as it relates to the American family and far beyond.

Relatedly, my appreciation for all musings Ta-Nehisi are well-established, and Ross' moderation of thought, if not ideology, continue to make him the mostly eminently readable social conservative in the blogosphere, in my opinion. The entire back and forth, back and forth, and forth, is really a terrific conversation. The sight of two writers climbing out of their respective echo chambers to engage in a tough conversation is a rare and beautiful thing.